Getting your Spouse To Organize
Have you nagged yourself blue in the face to no avail when it comes to ways to get your spouse on the same page in organizing your home? Even though we ourselves dislike being nagged, we have the unfortunate tendency to think that nagging works well on others. Experience has taught us it doesn’t work, but we continue anyway, which drives a larger wedge between us.
There is an easier way, one in which you get a willing partner in your quest to be more organized. Here are a few tips to help get your spouse in on the organizing game:
1. Do your own thing – Don’t worry about decluttering or organizing your spouse’s things. Begin with organizing your own things first. It’s important to remember that it took you some time to decide you were ready to be organized. You need to give your spouse time to realize that they may actually prefer the organized life too.
2. If it’s jointly owned, make it a joint decision - When you are decluttering items that aren’t specifically yours, such as books, cd’s, DVD’s, for example, get an agreement from your spouse that it’s okay to donate or trash. Don’t assume that it’s ok for you to declutter or trash things when that person isn’t around. That’s not something we’d like someone to do to us. No one likes to have no choice, so give your spouse a choice. If they don’t want to get rid of something, suggest putting it in a box and see if it is even used for a set amount of time, 3 months, 6 months, or even 1 year.
3. Ask your spouse’s advice – As you are decluttering items from your home, ask your spouse if they think the item is worthy of donating or should it be thrown in the trash, or recycled. This gives your spouse the sense that their opinion matters, and shows that you respect your spouse.
4. Give your spouse advance warning – Do you let your spouse know ahead of time what you’re planning when you’re ready to start a project? Think for a moment how you would feel if out of the blue, contrary to or regardless of plans you already have, someone announces that they need you for work around the house? You would probably feel disrespected. Your spouse likely feels the same way when you spring an organizing project on them. So discuss your plans ahead of time and ASK if your spouse is available and would be willing to help.
5. Resist the urge to organize your spouse – In many ways we tend to feel that it is easier to just `do it ourselves’, rather than let someone else do `it’, whatever `it’ may be. It is very important that you give your spouse the space and the time to do their own organizing. When you first begin your organizing journey, focus on your items, and items around the house that your spouse doesn’t particularly care what you do with them. Eventually, as your spouse sees how much easier it is for him/her to find things, put things away, and do it quickly, they too may began decluttering and organizing their own things.
6. Are you stuck on how best to organize something? – Ask your spouse if you can bounce some ideas off of them. You’d be surprised at how many times your spouse will see things in a way you hadn’t thought of. It might not have been what you’d have tried but it may work well, or lead you to another way that will work best.
7. Expecting an overnight transformation? - If that is where we start, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. It’s important to remember that we didn’t get to the point of fed up with the clutter and disorganization overnight. Just as it took you time to get to the point of being ready to declutter and organize, it will also take your spouse time. So give them that time.
8. Build a team effort – Do you feel like you are in this alone? Try holding a family meeting. Every member of your family should be a functioning member of the family, contributing to the daily upkeep and maintenance of that family. It may not be possible to divide the chores evenly, but everyone should share in the chores. Work together as a team to share routine tasks as well as organizing tasks.
9. Still no cooperation? – If you’ve asked, and your spouse still does not cooperate with your organizing efforts, remember that nagging won’t help. You aren’t your spouse’s parent, so you can’t order him or her to do anything (tempting as it can be sometimes). The best thing you can do is to go on with organizing those things that you can, and leave the rest. Eventually your spouse will come around.
10. Use positive reinforcement – We all respond best to what is reinforced. If negative behavior is what gets attention, then negative behavior will be repeated. When your spouse cooperates with your organizing efforts, be sure to thank him or her. Just as we like a reward for a job well done, so do our spouses. So, reinforce positives and more positives will follow.
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