Real Life Solutions

Talking to teens takes special skills. It isn’t like it was when parents were teens. That is a classic line that teens use on their parents, unfortunately, it is true. Teens today live in a world surrounded by modern technology, drugs that weren’t even thought of in their parent’s generation and the pressure to accomplish and do everything. Talking to the teen of this generation may be more complicated, but it is a skill well worth learning. 

Realize that there are times when your teen wants to talk to you. Unbelievable, but yes this may happen. If you know your child, you may spot the signs. Teens are all different so there is no one way to spot a teen that is looking for your adult conversation. Pay attention to your teen’s actions moods and listen to their words. Your teen may just need someone to listen. This accomplishes several things.  It helps your teen get whatever it is off their mind. It also helps get things out in the open. Listen to what your teen isn’t saying as well as what they are. Look at their body language. Really looking and listening to them is helpful.

Listening is a big thing to your teen. While it may seem a small part in the communication puzzle, it is a big part of gaining that teen’s trust. If they know you are willing to listen to them, they may be more willing to come to you again in the future. Listening without interrupting or putting in your opinion shows them what they have to say is valuable to you, that they are indeed valuable to them. One of the best ways to communicate with your teen is to start young. Start talking, really talking, to your children when they are young. Establishing a relationship with a child who knows you are there to talk to them, listen to them and share with them, will help the relationship when they are a teen.Though children and their outlook will change when they become teens, if you have established a good relationship with your child the more willing they are going to be to open up to you. It is establishing a habit of talking, instead of talking at them. Many teens struggle with self-esteem issues. Knowing that they can go to you, an adult, and that you will listen to them, will help. Communicate with your teen on an adult level. They are in that between stage. They are not yet an adult, but they are learning how to be. Show them that they can communicate with you and perhaps others on an adult level. Don’t talk to them as you would when they were a child.

Spending time with your teen is a good way to open the lines of communication. Spend time in activities that they enjoy and ones that you enjoy.

Family activities are great for getting a teen involved, but remember that they may need one-on-one time. Time where they can spend with a parent doing something. Non-pressure time. Time spent where they can be just who they are and not be pressured to talk or even think of things that are important or on their mind. Just spending time with your teen, building a bond with them.  Find an activity you both can do together. It could be something as simple as a round of putt putt golf or maybe more of a sport to be learned, such as rock climbing. It could be taking them to a movie they have wanted to see.

Show the teen you value your time with them and that you are willing to learn new skills and enjoy things with them. Sometimes you must impose rules and guidelines for a teen. But if possible work through solutions and options with your teen. Let them come up with ideas for their problems. Talk through the pros and cons. Listen to their thoughts and ideas.

Walk them through the process of coming up with viable solutions to the problems they are coming into contact with. Teaching them responsible ways to communicate and work through issues is a life skill they will need. Helping them through this process, instead of finding solutions for them, gives them the confidence that they need. It also shows them that you
respect their thoughts and ideas. It will open a conversation with them, and hopefully show them you are open in the future to other conversations.

Find out about your child’s activities. Take an interest in what they do. That doesn’t mean you need to go out and be a football coach or listen to grunge music. If you can talk about the latest and greatest with your child this may open another road to communication. Learning to talk about what is relevant to them is like learning to speak their language. Different interest come with their own jargon and terms. These can seem as foreign to adults as speaking Klingon. Learning their interest may give you vital clues to what your child is saying. Different teens respond to different communication styles and activities. If one method doesn’t work, be flexible enough to adjust your approach and try a new tactic. Each teen is different, even in the same family. An approach with your 17 year old, may not work with your 14 year old. Approach each as an individual. They have different interest and styles. They have different friends and vastly different communication styles.However you have to approach your teen, open the lines of communication. Use whatever means that work for you and your teen. Be flexible and tailor your communication to the needs of your teen. That is what it is all about, learning to talk the talk of your teen. 

Brought To You By Understanding Your Teen

Top Five Summer Jobs for Teens

As summer approaches, it’s time for your teen to get a job.  This will be good preparation for their future role in the workplace.  Here are the top five summer jobs for teens you may want to consider:

1. If your teen is already in college, a great way to spend the summer is to intern in a company which incorporates the teen’s chosen field.  For example, if your teen is studying architecture at college, working for an architect will give them insight, and training, which will become invaluable to them later on.  They can use the company as a reference later on or they may even be offered a job after graduation.

2. If your teen is athletic, he or she may opt to work as a lifeguard at a beach, pool, or park.  This would not only be great training for them, but also teach them discipline, and a good work ethic, as well.

3. Perhaps your teen wants to become a veterinarian.  Working at a veterinary clinic can be an immeasurable source of knowledge.  Any practical experience they gain can only serve to increase their proficiency in this area.

4. Is your teen interested in becoming a computer programmer?  If so, your child can intern at IBM, or other top-notch companies, wherein, he or she will learn all of the latest computer technology, as well as the ins and outs of software applications.

5. Does your teen want to become a writer?  If he or she is majoring in journalism, any local or national newspaper would be happy to take him, or in as an intern for the summer.  Here, your teen can learn all about writing, publishing, editing, and news coverage.  This would be a wonderful experience to help catapult your teen into a successful career in journalism.

You may have read about the teen, who had an idea about selling beanie babies on eBay.  He is a millionaire today!  The possibilities for your teen are endless.  Having a summer job not only teaches about the specificity of the position at hand, but what companies expect; what jobs are more competitive than others; learning to work with others; developing a good, strong work ethic; taking criticism; and applying what was learned to their college and life experience.

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I know many moms out there are looking for ways to earn a little income at home (either full time or part time).  Well, Real Life Solutions has a page dedicated to Work At Home Ideas.  Be sure to check it out, you may see something that you like.

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In order to recognize when a child is depressed, it is important to become aware of the symptoms and the signs to look for. Because children are not as articulate as adults in expressing their emotions, it is unlikely that they will come to us and say “I’m depressed” as an adult might do. In fact, they may not even realize themselves that something is out of the ordinary. Children live in a world controlled by adults and can easily feel powerless over what is happening to them. This puts the responsibility upon us as adults to look for signs of trouble and help children cope.

The warning signs of depression fall basically into four different categories: emotional signs, cognitive signs (those involving thinking), physical complaints, and behavioral changes. Not every child who is depressed experiences every symptom.

Emotional Signs

Typical moods or emotions experienced by children suffering from depression include:

Sadness – The child may feel despondent and hopeless. They may cry easily. Some children will hide their tears by becoming withdrawn.

Loss of pleasure or interest – A child who has always enjoyed playing sports, for example, may suddenly decide to not try out for the team this year. They may complain of feeling “bored” or reject an offer to participate in an activity, which they’ve always enjoyed in the past.

Anxiety – The child may become anxious, tense, and panicky. The source of their anxiety may well give you a clue to what’s causing their depression.

Turmoil – The child may feel worried and irritable. They may brood or lash out in anger as a result of the distress they are feeling.

Cognitive Signs

A depressive mood can bring on negative, self-defeating thoughts. These skewed thought processes may help perpetuate the problem because they make the child resistant to words of encouragement or advice. Once the depression lifts, the child will be much more receptive to help. The signs to look for are:

Difficulty organizing thoughts – People with depression often have problems concentrating or remembering. In children, this may be evidenced by problems in school or an inability to complete tasks.

Negative view – People with depression may become pessimistic, perceiving themselves, their life, and their world in a very negative light.

Worthlessness and guilt – Depressed children may obsess over their perceived faults and failures, feel tremendous guilt, and declare themselves worthless.

Helplessness and hopelessness – Depressed children often believe that there is nothing they can do to relieve their feelings of depression. In particular, a child with dysthymia may perceive that this is “just the way it is” because this is their only experience.

Feelings of isolation – A child who has been picked on frequently may become very sensitive to slights from his peers.

Suicidal Thoughts – Thoughts of death are not limited to adults. Children may also wish that they were dead and express these thoughts.

Physical Signs

Depression is not just an illness of the mind. It causes changes in us physically as well.

Changes in appetite or weight – Many people with depression find that their appetite either decreases or increases. Children who usually have a healthy appetite may suddenly lose interest in eating. Children may also respond in the opposite way, but eating too much to self-medicate their feelings.

Sleep disturbances – Children with depression may have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep once they do. They may wake too early or oversleep. They may have trouble staying awake during the day at school.

Sluggishness -Children with depression often talk, react, and walk slower. They may be less active and playful than usual.

Agitation – Depressed children may show signs of agitation by fidgeting or not being able to sit still.

Behavioral Signs

These signs will be the most obvious and easy for your detect.

Avoidance and withdrawal – Children with depression may avoid everyday or enjoyable activities and responsibilities. They may withdraw from friends and family. The bedroom can become a favorite place to escape and find solitude.

Clinging and demanding – The depressed child may become more dependent on some relationships and behave with an exaggerated sense of insecurity.

Activities in excess – A depressed child may appear to be out of control in regard to certain activities. He or she may spend long hours playing a video game or overeat.

Restlessness – The restlessness brought on by depression may lead to such behaviors as fidgeting, acting up in class, or reckless behavior

Self-Harm – Depressed individuals may cause themselves physical pain or take excessive risks. Self-injury is one example of such behavior

How To Help Your Teens To Become More Organized

Some would joke that the only way to motivate teens is to threaten or bribe them, well those may work but in the long run, they won’t teach your teen the valuable lesson of accountability {smile}.

As you know, teens never seem to lack motivation to do what they want to do — talk on the phone, meet up with friends, go to the movies, etc. But, when it comes down to getting them to do the things that we want them to do and the things that the need to do, that seems to be a different story.

Here are some tips that we as parents can use to help motivate our teens to become more organized.

Build your teens confidence by identifying the ways in which he or she is already organized. Everyone, including your teen, shows signs of being organized with some things. Teens love to be acknowledged for a job well done so if your child does a great job organizing his or her school work or his or her clothes, try to encourage them to apply those same organizational skills to the other areas in their life that can use some organizational help.

Teach them & Have fun. Perhaps your teen really doesn’t know where to begin! Socks here and there, books under the bed, clothes stuffed behind the hamper. All of this can seem like a battle for them that is useless to fight. Why not set up a date with your child to organize his/her space together. Turn on the radio (to their favorite station of course) and together work to de-clutter the space. Keep in mind that your organizational style my not work for them so ask them questions as you go along and try to help them figure out a way to organize things so that it is easy to keep up. Another fun way to get them motivated is to provide fun, funky and cool storage bins to use for those small items that seem to just collect in the corners of their rooms.

Set Clear Rules and Let them set the schedule: Be sure that you set clear rules as to what is allowable daily clutter and what isn’t. For instance, if you don’t allow food or dishes in your teen’s room, be sure that they are following those rules and respecting them. If shoes on the floor are OK, then let them know that as well. Teens need clear-cut rules to follow. Sit down with you teen and simply ask them “What day can you carve out at least 1 hr to do a full room cleaning?” and let your teen set a day (either weekly or biweekly). What this does is let them know you value their time and schedule and it makes them accountable.

Finally, be sure you reward and commend your teens organizing successes with either a small token of additional freedom or kind words. Keep in mind that being organized is all about being responsible. For a teenager, gaining trust and freedom from parents is one of the biggest motivations of all.

Want more tips on parenting your teenager? Visit Parenting My Teen. It provides free resources and a free podcast for parents.

I know 1st hand how frustrating it is return home after a busy day then slave over the stove or to rummage through the cabinets when you have hungry, impatient tummys waiting.  Visit http://reallifesolutions.net/personal/quick-dinner-ideas.html for your quick and easy dinner ideas.

A nice tie into this is learning how to do a little meal planning so that you actually spend less time cooking and more time really enjoying yourself and your familly. I am an avid meal planner and wrote this easy to follow article on how you too can plan your meals and free up your precious time: http://reallifesolutions.net/personal/meal-planning.html

As you know, I love hearing your feedback. Do you have any of your own personal tips that you’d like to share with me?  If so, just e-mail me and I am all ears

Here is a great resource – The Healthy Express Cookbook: 101 Fresh, Light & Quick Dinners.  Offers you healthy, home-cooked meals that are super fast to prepare — visit http://reallifesolutions.net/Cookbook.HTML to learn more

Throwing a Graduation Party without Going into Debt

Unlike years ago, when we graduated and simply had a small gathering at our home or invited close family members out for dinner, today, the sky’s the limit, when it comes to graduation parties.  But it doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to give your child the best graduation party ever!  Throwing a graduation party, without going into debt, is the subject of this discussion.

Instead of hiring a catering hall and having to invite the immediate world, think of having an open house graduation party at your home.  Work out a budget that is reasonable, and then send out invitations to friends and family.  You can easily arrange a buffet, which is not only affordable, but allows the guests to come; offer their congratulations, and have a bite to eat.  This way, there would be less work for you afterwards.  All you would need to buy is, paper plates, napkins, paper cups, sturdy plastic spoons, forks, and knives; a few decorations, and the party can go into full swing.  

If you have a large family, your invitation list may be quite long.  For large groups, you may want to consider renting a hall for the occasion.  When renting a hall, research local community centers to determine the cost factor.  You can also use the buffet style in these types of places.  Furthermore, if your son or daughter has a close friend who is graduating with them, you may want to approach their parents, and decide if a joint party is feasible.  In this way, the costs can be decreased.  Both families can work out the details, and split the cost down the middle.

With college tuition, boarding, and all of the peripherals needed for college life; your funds may be a bit low.  If this is your case, the last thing you need is to give an extravagant party that will put you in debt. Instead, consider having a dinner party at a local restaurant for immediate family members only.  In this way, you are saving quite a bit of money, yet still celebrating this important event.  Most kids would appreciate this gesture, especially if they understand you can’t afford a grand affair.  Have a conversation with your son or daughter; you may be surprised at their response.

You can listen to the new Parenting My Teen show by visiting http://www.parentingmyteen.com and clicking on the arrow or by downloading the audio mp3.

If you have a student who is in the midst of submitting college applications or even if your student is just starting high school, parents should NOT miss this very informative show about what attributes colleges are looking for in their applicants!

My guest this week is Suzanne Luse, a certified educational consultant from College Expert, and she helps us understand what role parents should play in the college application process, how to encourage your children to make decisions and take initiative when speaking to college representatives, and why your high school student should take four years of math and English classes.

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Don’t forget that the website is now interactive. Feel free to post your comments about the show directly onto the website. Also let me know if you have any topic ideas or if you would like to be a guest on the show.

Don’t break the bank trying to keep your children active, engaged and  having fun this summer.
Entertaining your children when school is out  for the summer can become quite expensive but I have
some cheap summer fun ideas for you ==> http://www.reallifesolutions.net/family/summerfun.html

One of the ways I keep my 7yo busy and happy in the summer is to pull out our craft box.  Try some or all
of these fun summer crafts for kids to open up their imagination. ==>
http://www.reallifesolutions.net/family/summer-crafts-for-kid.html